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trying to forget you`
is like trying to remember someone you never met
trying to let you go
`is like trying to keep something which i never attained

it's you
you who have won my heart
taken me into your arms
comforted me like a friend
your love
surrounded me from the start
i never want to be apart
from you ever again

christian bautista lyrics
lyrics site


satisfaction.
my poems. my deviant art. aiken (: amanda sweets. cheryl darling. cheryljo dearie. debby sweets. jazzie dearie. louis (: rachel sweets. serena sweets. sharyl sweets. sheena (:

broken memories.
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006

mending.



without you nothing would matter

Saturday, October 08, 2005
2:30 AM

chalet at costa sands(pasir ris) with the usual few of us was okay maybe except on the first day i felt a little outta place, was a little upset. held back my tears. but i guess on the whole it was okay. i had fun. i learnt how to play mahjong, learnt to ride a bike although i still dont really know how to ride :/ i cant seem to balance myself.
if you want to know what we did go read serena's oramanda's or deby's haha!

i went to the beach on the first day on my own while they went cycling. it was really nice and peaceful. i just wished i could just stay there forever. i stood there aching for things to happen like in my dreams. ):
second night i went with serena, we sat on the rock. we both didnt want to go back to the chalet. i really just wanted to sit there but i think if i did sit there long enough tears would start rolling. as i was sitting there thoughts just flew in. i seriously didnt not want to go back. thank goodness serena dragged me back. (:

wouldnt it be nice if you were beside me. i would feel like as though i have gain the whole world. i would feel liks as though there is not pain and misery in this world because i have you. sigh but i guess this will only be in the world of my dreams.

sometimes i just wish i can sleep, really sleep the whole day so that i wont be thinking non stop. sometimes at night i hardly sleep and in the day time i am like a zombie and get irritated easily. sometimes i wonder why am i even thinking so much for. i really dont want to but it just comes. really need to do something about it. (: i guess that is a start. but the irony of it all. as i type this i am thinking of stuff again.

right now i am thinking if i am a good friend and a good listener. sometimes i feel so lost, so useless. i feel like i can hardly help my friends. i dont know what to say to them when they need me or i can hardly do anything when they need me. all i can say is oh okay. i feel that i have let each an everyone of them down. i dont think i am a good friend. ): i really dont know how to put down what i am feeling in words.

suddenly this random thought came to me. i wish i can do lots of things now that i always wanted to do. if not for God i guess i would have long ago done it. sometimes i feel this is an excuse but even if it is at least i did not go against God. and that makes me wonder why am i still not blessed, not close to Him. sometimes that makes me wonder if i really have to do those things like taking a blade and slashing it across my wrist to being a butch to being able to fly down in order to really get His attention. to get Him to see me. to know that i am really hurting.
sigh- i am only 17 and i have to go through so much. i really dont know how much more i can take, how much more do i have to go through. but i guess no matter what i know deep down that i still love Him so much and that He is the reason why i am living.


What if I woke up and couldn't hear a sound
And all that I could see was darkness all around
That would all be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me






<3 broken never mended ;

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