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trying to forget you`
is like trying to remember someone you never met
trying to let you go
`is like trying to keep something which i never attained

it's you
you who have won my heart
taken me into your arms
comforted me like a friend
your love
surrounded me from the start
i never want to be apart
from you ever again

christian bautista lyrics
lyrics site


satisfaction.
my poems. my deviant art. aiken (: amanda sweets. cheryl darling. cheryljo dearie. debby sweets. jazzie dearie. louis (: rachel sweets. serena sweets. sharyl sweets. sheena (:

broken memories.
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006

mending.



no words can express how i feel-

Tuesday, October 25, 2005
1:20 PM

it has been more then a week since i last updated. oh wells i dont think there is much to update about my life. i just have been thinking, thinking and more thinking. lol. tell me what's new?! anyway, i went to the esplanade on tues with Serena. i hope you wont bored. i sure did enjoy myself. it has been so long since i walked like that. although it was a rather aimless walk but i enjoyed it. i somehow enjoy just walking with the feeling of freedom. (: we sat outside the esplanade. love the view of the expressway and the Singapore River. (: what were you thinking of ?!

wed i went out with cheryljo. we ate sushi. walk around for a while. talked alot. i miss that girl so much la. (: i miss those times in secondary school. sigh- things are just so different now. but i am really glad that i still got her as my friend. that is all i really ask for now. just knowing that you treat me as your friend is just good enough for me. (: that goes for everyone else too.

stuff to get of my system yet again just bare with me, i dont think it will be really long.-i hope-

; first
i have been thinking lots recently and i think i care too much. as in sometimes i care too much that is becomes bothersome to people. i guess i gotta learn to just not bother too much and bother about myself first and just mind my own business. sometimes i feel that my concern is just like extra. like people dont really appreciate it that much. so oh wells, i just will learn to mind my own business. (:

;second
i realise that everyday i am sorta living in fear. everyday i am very scared another of that fateful day will happen all over again. just one small thing may just burst and history will repeat itself. just like that day. i realise that sometimes during the day, parts of that day will just flash right in my head making it seem like a motion picture in my head. i get so frightened by it that sometimes i got to do things to avoid it from happening again. sometimes i just wish that it will just end. sometimes i just wish why didnt i run away that day. sometimes i just wish why did i just have a nervous breakdown and just be devoid of all feelings right now. ): i hate it so much. i wont be able to take another of that day happening. i think i will just either run away or breakdown or just jump. i can hardly breathe anymore. sigh-

;third
i have been thinking about this issue again. what if i were to die tomorrow, i wonder if i really make a difference in people's life. i wonder what will people say about me when i am gone. i just feel that i havent been making a difference in people's life at all. i dont really feel a sense of belonging on this earth. i know that i am here for a reason but i dont seem to be able see what is it. sometimes i just wish that i could have just died at birth just like what the doctors said i would have. or i could have gotten one of those dignosis that the doctors claimed. den maybe i wont be so worried about making a difference cos i will be in my own world- the world for the disabled. there in my own world i know i will make a difference. a difference to myself. -man i dont even know what am i talking about.

;fourth
sometimes i wonder why i try so hard to please people when sometimes they dont see it. the other day i just realise how much people actually listen to me. how much people value/see me. it is really kinda upsetting. it is like i am totally transparent. things i said fell upon death ears and after that they claimed i never tell them or i never share with them when in fact i did. it really hurts. i am tired of pleasing people but yet how am i going to survive on this earth pleasing these people. ):

;fifth
i feel like i am just a substitue in everything in this world. like a substitue friend and stuff. like when no one else is there that you can turn to or to go out with you call me but when you are with your other friends and all i wonder if i am even if at the back of your mind cos i am sure that even in my stonning days somehow i will thinking of each and everyone of my friends. but i guess like what i said knowing that i am your friend is just good enough for me. i dont even mind being just a substitute.
sometimes i also feel that i am just there to do things. like sometimes i am there when you need me to do stuff but other times i am just transparent. i am just the one following at the back. sigh- oh wells. *just a matter of getting use to it*

i guess it wasnt as short i thought it would be. sigh-

reply;

Cheryl dearie;
thanks! but i really try to be myself but somehow i dont know who i am so i dont know how to be myself. i guess i gotta learn not to please people too much. (:


<3 broken never mended ;

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