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trying to forget you`
is like trying to remember someone you never met
trying to let you go
`is like trying to keep something which i never attained

it's you
you who have won my heart
taken me into your arms
comforted me like a friend
your love
surrounded me from the start
i never want to be apart
from you ever again

christian bautista lyrics
lyrics site


satisfaction.
my poems. my deviant art. aiken (: amanda sweets. cheryl darling. cheryljo dearie. debby sweets. jazzie dearie. louis (: rachel sweets. serena sweets. sharyl sweets. sheena (:

broken memories.
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006

mending.



lost in my own world

Tuesday, October 11, 2005
2:30 AM

i just realise how much i am in my own world. i was just reading some friendster testimonials and some blogs and i realise that i am so much not part of their lives. everything that happens to my friends i will be the last to know. it is rather disheartenting. people who once i felt that were close to me were actually not. maybe it is just me who thinks that we were once close. my wishful thinking. i suddenly feel like a total stranger to them, to the people around me. lost in my own world.

i went to trinity on sat, i saw my close friends in church when i was in DL. i saw them but they didnt see me. maybe only two did. smiled at one and the other just kept looking at me. the rest i didnt notice me. this again proves the point that i am so insignificant in people's lives yet ecah and everyone of these people mean alot to me. somehow. i mean they once impacted my life.
somehow this just scares me. i dont want my close friends right now to leave me like how they did. sometimes i dont know what else to do. i try all ways to keep that relationship or am i not trying hard enough. seriously i dont wish my poly friends to just disappear.

suddenly i just thought,when i die really soon who will be at my funeral. who? will it only be my mum, my dad, my sis. will anyone look at the coffin and say " thank god she is gone." or will they say " she was a my friend and was a great person when she was around." i really dont know.
suddenly i feel a sting of lonliness hit me.

i feel so left out of people's lives, i feel so insignificant in their lives. i dont want to think that we are close anymore when we are actually not, it hurts. esp when you think you mean something to that person yet you are treated as someone who happenes to be there. it makes me feel that i am not wanted. sigh-

even my secondary school friend who werent that close to another can go out together today and have lots to talk about. it makes me feel am i doing something wrong?
when people talk to me they dont really tell me about their lives but of course i wont probe. it really upsets me. but still i will be there to listen and crack a joke or two.

is it because i hardly go out. sigh- but i dont really like to go out! damn am i really that anti social. i just dont feel comfortable with people i dont know. but even if i do go out i dont know what to say to them. i find it hard to talk face to face. why? i mean didnt i talk to them face to face before why not now. wait dont i find it hard to talk to some of my friends even online. argh. this is so frustrating! argh. why? is it that i am like that?! i seriously need some guts!

seriously i am so afraid that i will one day loose all my friends and that is it. alone. ):
espicially my poly friends now, serena, rachel, amanda and debby. i dont want to let this friendship die after a year or something. and of course my 10 years coming 11 years friendship with my darling cheryl.
sigh-

am i thinking too much into it?
is it just me?
am i doing things wrong?
tell me!
this makes me wonder if i am a good friend or not.

replies;

Serena;

since when you tell me your comments? how come i never hear them?!? i so want the puzzle! eh after you finish you take out all den let me fix la! haha! (: opps! hahaha i want to fix it badly!

Cheryl;
heyys sweets! that is me! haha my friend took it when i was at the beach and she editted it for me. (: can you tell it is me?! i look so fat in that picture! wait i am fat! haha


<3 broken never mended ;

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