i am more determined now than ever to let you go
Friday, September 09, 2005
9:55 PM
this is just gonna be another random entry again. need to let things outta of my system again. ya i know i got lots of stuff to let out.
Been thinking alot these few days again, and i realised that i am such a failure. i fail at every single thing that i do. i have been dragging this entry since i think two days ago. i dont know how to put what i want to say in words. i never know how to express myself. but no matter what i am gonna get it out of my system today no matter what!
recently my mother told me that God kept me alive as there is a purpose for it but i dont see what purpose is there in this life. what good is going to come out of all this. how is He gonna use me when i will eventually just fail and everything will just come to dust. why didn't i just go like that why did He have to make me well. even if He have to keep me alive, why didn't leave me to be what the doctors said i would be. won't that be so much better, at least i dont have to feel this way, i wont have to worry about alot things this way my brain won't have to keep on working when i dont want it to. argh!
seriously i feel like i am such a failure in every espect of my life;
i am such horrible friend
i can never help then when they are in need;
i can never do things right and well;
i can never get anyone to except me just for me
i can never live up to people expections
and most importantly, i can live up to His expectations of me
i am not worthy to be his daughter.
simply i am a horrible friend, a horrible daughter to my parents, to God, a horrible sister! sigh-
anw, exams are over. yay! one thing good. but now i dont know what am i to do at home. haha! am deciding if i should go to church tmr i dont want to see you and another but i want to go cos it is where i can be myself. sorta. where i can let go.
i am more determined now than ever to let you go, to forget you.
but it is not gonna be easy cos you are always on my mind.
okay time for replies;
cheryl dearie;
thanks so much tho i feel really bad that i can never be of any help to you. but know that i will always be behind you in whatever you do! and that i love you so much!
serena;
thanks for always making me smile (:
OH and happy birthday debby`!
<3 broken never mended ;